Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Sensitivity Traininng Not Required.

July 13, 2011

He used to be so tough! He would fall flat on his face, get up, and keep running. Some punk toddler would shove him and he’d frown then walk away.

Now…he cries.

A lot.

He’s 6 and SOO sensitive I don’t know what to do.  Somebody looks at him funny and he gets his feelings hurt. I get upset when he asks for the 45th time if he can ride his bike…and he cries because I’m upset. He gets a paper cut and doesn’t cry about until I don’t notice that he has an infinitesimally tiny cut on his finger. He and his best friend become sworn enemies every other day, for about 3 hours. I swear they act like teenage girls!

At a loss on this  one…

When I was little I was not a crier – I was a screamer. Oh, I was SUCH a brat, lol…I harassed the shit out of my older brothers. But to be honest they were pretty mean in return.

I remember the biggest trouble I got in  at 6 years old: my brothers bikes had been stolen, so one day my brother Ryan took off on my bike, pink streamers flying from the handlebars. I was so upset I stood in the middle of the street and screamed after him the worst thing I could think of. “YOU…..ASSHOLE!” and then I ran into the woods and hid because I thought the neighbors might tell on me saying bad words.

Turns out, I screamed so loud that my dad heard me from inside the house. Oops!

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February 12, 2011

“Don’t be so open-minded. Your brains may fall out, and the hamster will escape!”

I love when people tell me they’re open-minded, and prove themselves wrong without realizing it. Maybe they want to debate politics or religion, but as soon as I present another opinion than their own (which I love to do), they take the defensive and it can get ugly. 

Why do this? 

You just can’t expect to enlighten me by ramming your philosophy down my throat with a sharp stick!

…I prefer to be enlightened with silly pictures and snarky platitudes, anyway.

The day he became a man…

August 10, 2009

My son just yelled from the bathroom, “Mommy I wish there was a potty in the living room!”

“Why is that?”

“So I can watch TV while I go!” he responded happily. “Wouldn’t that be AWESOME?”

Yeesh.

No Means No!

July 7, 2009

Fourth of July – officially another holiday to spend money on. Sigh…

I could do what most people were doing: load down my car with lots of towels, blankets, drinks, food, sparklers, chairs, sunscreen, bug spray, bottles of water, extra clothes, camera, batteries for the camera, change for tolls, cash for snacks, etc etc.

Instead, I opted to take advantage of my son’s 4-year old viewpoint of the world, wherein he doesn’t yet know what he’s missing out on. So goes the life of the single mom on a budget!

Anyway, this meant one short trip to the grocery store where we got some popcorn, drinks, and he got to help me pick out fireworks.  Of course, being 4, he already has expensive tastes.

“OOH! We need THIS ONE!” (pointing to the huge rockets that are 30 bucks)

“No.”

“HEY! Look at THIS!!!” (huge variety pack of huge rockets, conveniently priced at fifty bucks)

“No.”

“But we NEED it…!”

“No.”

At this point I’m just saying no out of habit. Sometimes I catch myself doing that without even thinking. The problem is, if after I say “no”, I waffle even a little, he jumps on it and becomes unbearably whiny, going for the chinks in my Mommy-armor.  That’s why sometimes I’ll say no to things not really paying attention, just reflex. This time, however, there’s a good reason; fifty dollars worth.

Anyway, to distract his attention from the the HUGE rockets, I showed him the GREAT, REALLY COOL multi-packs available. With a little bit of enthusiastic prodding, he was able to see that ten (tiny) glitter fountains are WAY cooler than the rockets.

Why? 

Because there are MORE of them. And MORE is BETTER!

I love kid logic, especially when it works to my wallet’s advantage. =)

So, once we got home he was desperate to shoot them all off now. Now! NOW!

I explained that we have to wait until it’s dark outside. He looked at me like I had just sprouted five heads and a purple tail.

Every five minutes: “Is it dark enough yet?”

“No.”

“Is it dark enough yet?”

“No.”

“NOW is it dark enough?”

“Yes.”

“REALLY?”

“No.”

I’m so mean, lol.

I finally gave in and we went out and played with sparklers for awhile. I’m disappointed by sparklers these days – I remember them lasting a lot longer. I absolutely loved sparklers as a kid, but the ones they make now are so cheap and spark for about a minute and a half (listen to me, old lady, wheezing, “…back in MY day…”).  But we made the best of it.

DSCN1308

 

 

 

 

 

Once it FINALLY got dark, Nick started streaking through the house, shrieking, “It’s dark now! Firework time! Mommy, COME ON! It’s FIREWORK time!!”

DSCN1321So we set off all of out cool fireworks….which took all of ten minutes…but luckily my helpful neighbors had apparently re-mortgaged their house to enjoy their own great fireworks, so they more than made up for the low-end models I had picked out.

Nick and I were cheering the fireworks, and…swear to god…he started doing the Arsenio Hall ‘woot woot woot’. I laughed so hard, and finally was able to ask where he learned to do that.

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess I just picked it up somewhere.”

My tires die at home.

June 29, 2009

It’s true.

Most of the time, my lovely loyal tires politely wait until we get home to go flat. It’s really very considerate, because I sure don’t want to be flying down the highway and get a blowout!

Instead, I wake up in the morning, rushing-rushing-rushing to get ready, run out the door, and….SHIIIIIIIT!

It’s a damn good thing I’m handy with a lug wrench.  I’ve changed LOTS of tires in my life, once even when I was 8 months pregnant in the middle of the summer heat. Yeah, that sucked.

Years ago, I did get a flat on the highway, because a truck ahead of me let loose a piece of sharp metal right in front of me…I was all set to put my spare on when I realized…SHIIIIIIT, my spare is flat! Sigh…

You’d think I’d learn! It happened again 2 years ago when I hit a curb.

Tire flat.

Spare flat.

That was a long night.

Anywho, now I’m off to the land of new healthy tires and pushy salesman who want me to pay $60 for the tire, and another $140 in warrantees and extra services!

A Map, you say?

April 29, 2009
How do you spell lost?

I think it’s something like “F$$$&#(@$*#:()$ D!@#$*!!!!!!”

Yeah, I got MORE lost tonight than I ever have in my entire life. I spent 2 hours driving up and down roads trying to find my way, turning around, and eventually realized I was headed back home.

Stop for directions, you say?

Well that would go a lot smoother if there was ANYTHING at all at the exits I pulled off.

Check the map?

Ermmm, don’t have one.

Call someone for help?

Nope, phone battery died 20 minutes down the road.

Car charger?

Ah, hmm, someone small and curious broke it last month.

The only person with me was my 4 yr old son (see: small and curious culprit), who tried to be a helpful navigator by piping up with, “Mommy, I think you’re going the WRONG way!” and “Can we just go home?” and my personal favorite, “Why don’t we just look at the map?”

Tomorrow, I get one of those GPS thingies.

Oh, and repair the damage to my steering wheel from banging my head on it.

The vicious thrifty cycle

February 28, 2009

So, I got a new job this week.

Yay!

One catch – gotta be there in two weeks.

Shiiiiiiiiiit.

This should be fun.

So here I sit on the computer, blatantly ignoring all the half-empty boxes littering the floor.

You know, this is habit….Every time I have to move, I think, “Damn, I’ve got TOO MUCH STUFF!”

So I get out some trash bags, chuck a bunch and take a load to the Goodwill…and yet here I am again.

Do I never learn a freakin lesson?

You see, I’m a thrift store junkie. I tease my mom that her local thrift store is really just a trading site for her, but that’s true in my case too. We get tired of having too much stuff so we take a load to donate, then….oh, just have a wee look around…Ooh, what’s that?!…..and go home with more than we dropped off.

So….

I was thinking about having a yard sale,

…but at this point it’s way too much effort to cart it all out at the crack of dawn for an extra 30 bucks. I value my sleep-and-still-pretending-to-be-asleep time way too much for that.

Instead, I’m throwing an on-going-all-inclusive-first-come-first-served FREE Party!

Location: my curb

Time: varies

Items available: depends on my mood and how heavy it is

In my neighborhood I won’t even need a sign.

Any takers?

NOT Valentine’s Day

February 15, 2009

Ah, February 15th…what a great day in history. Did you know…

Holidays and observances

 

I know – exciting, right?

I’m quite beside myself.

I don’t know what the hell a couple of those are, or who John Frum is, and don’t really care. Anyone want to enlighten me? I’m sleepy and lazy right now. Sigh…

Speaking of lazy, let me share my new favorite craigslist post ever:

I’ll give you $2 + cost if you’ll deliver me some orange juice with receipt. I’m too lazy to get it myself. I live right by University Drive in Elon. Thank you.

That’s all it was. I’m dying to know if anyone actually took him up on it.

Anyhoo, I’ve had a great weekend; got a ton of cheap movies, some delicious Chinese food, bought groceries (always very helpful when you’re hungry), and even got to go out and have a little fun.

Anyone else have fun that had nothing to do with Valentine’s Day?

If you had a perfect, picturesque romantic evening with the love of your life – well that’s great, but I don’t want to hear about that shit. Okay, I’m kidding.

Speaking of mood-killers, I watched ‘Nights in Rodanthe’ the other day. It’s one of those tear-jerker Nicholas Sparks book-turned-movie machines. I won’t spoil it for you…but if you’re any kind of romantic at all, then DON’T watch that.  It’s painful and depressing and just when you think it’s gonna get better for this woman, the dude gets killed off!

Oops, spoiler.

Ah well.

I’m off to watch something completely ridonkuculous, silly, and light-hearted. 

The Pre-K Inquisition

December 12, 2008

Riding home in the car today, my son (he’s 4), who had spent the last twenty minutes chattering about monkeys and motorcycles, pipes up,

“Are trees what happen when the grass gets really big?”

 

“Are you going to have another baby in your belly?”

 

“Do you think that bird lives in the clouds?”

 

“How do the planes stay up in the air?”

 

“I don’t want to be a daddy when I’m big, because daddies have beards, and they’re scratchy!”

 

“After you get bigger and bigger and growed up, do you start to get smaller and smaller?”

 

I think my head’s going to explode some days…not only do I not always know the answers to these questions; but even the ones I do know, I have to figure out ways to explain so he’ll understand! 

I love that he’s so inquisitive, but sometimes when I’m making dinner or on the phone, when faced with: “Why does the cat have hair between his toes?”, the answer is, “I just don’t know.”

And that seems to satisfy him.

 

For now, anyway.

Where the hell did I put my rose-colored glasses?!

October 27, 2008

So lately I’ve been really paying attention to the news and the goings-on of the world.  This is entirely out of character for me, as I much prefer to hear about things second-hand. I consider it a service to humanity, because if someone gets a chance to enlighten me for a few minutes, well then- maybe it made them happy. Or at least they get to feel a little superior because I’m an idiot! Strike that, not an idiot, just selectively uninformed.

This all started with all the election to-do. I fully intend to finally vote this year, and figured I may as well have someone picked out. Probably a better idea than calling out from a polling booth, “Hey, who’s THIS guy?!”

Well, I don’t watch TV, I rarely buy newspapers, and I’m too impatient to sit still and watch whole broadcasts online, so I succumbed to talk radio on my way home.  I found 3 stations that I switch between every few minutes, depending on who’s being the least idiotic at the time.  It’s really hard to sit and listen to people rant and rave about things that things of which I know nothing.

And 2 months later, I’ve found it’s even harder to listen people rant and rave about things which I have an opinion on (and actually know what the hell they’re talking about!).  I caught myself talking back to some dumbass yesterday, and immediately turned the radio off. No need to start that. Next thing you know, I’ll be calling in to tell them off, and oh, would that be a slippery slope!

I’ve started changing back to music in the past few days, because really, am I better off for having heard a pitiful ‘debate’ between 2 school board members, or about the traffic on I-10, or 30 minutes on why Kaycee Anthony is crazy and obviously murdered her child?

Yesterday I got a newspaper, and realized it was all the same news that I read on the Internet the night before.  This time around, it wasn’t nearly as surprising!

I do try to buy a newspaper occasionally, but never because I need one. We have a lot of people around town standing at intersections selling papers. They’re out there every day, rain or shine. I hardly ever see anyone actually stop and buy one…they guy on the corner next to my work is super nice, and every morning I wonder what made him decide to do that for a living. Maybe he’s got another job he goes to later, maybe he’s retired, I don’t know.  I did find this though.

Then there are the people who stand on corners with signs, every single day, with their ‘Final Liquidation Clearance TODAY ONLY!!’ signs. For the past 2 years, lol.  They’re out they’re with sunblock on, shade umbrellas, headphones, etc.  I wonder what that pays??  Personally I would go absolutely apeshit crazy to have to stand in one place all day waving a sign, day after day.

Anyway, enough of my ravings…gotta go check out tomorrow’s news! ; )