Archive for the ‘Mamahood’ Category

Mom! Mom! Mom!

May 29, 2013

So although I know that every single word out of my child’s mouth is a precious jewel to be treasured, sometimes I admit I don’t always listen. Honestly, it’s very hard to do, when he talks nonstop. Comments, questions, jokes, noises, etc are almost always flowing from his cute lil’ face. I’m sure there’s some lesson I should be teaching him on restraint…not saying absolutely everything that he thinks of…but a lot of it is pretty damn funny.

He is slowly learning not to comment or question peoples’ appearance, especially if it might hurt their feelings. He will remember his thoughts about it later, and then tell me at a strange time, like walking out to check the mail, or getting ready for bed. Often he saves his most random questions for bedtime. He’s always hated having to go to bed, and will do anything to prolong or avoid it.

He’ll come slinking to the door of his room, looking all troubled.

“Mom?”

“Since you’re out of bed, this MUST be important.”

“It IS, I promise!”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Umm…umm..remember that one time we went to the park and I saw that weird bug? I wonder what it was. We should look it up tomorrow.”

Are you kidding me?!

“GO TO BED!”

Seriously, the whole park/ bug thing was months ago…He just does not want to go to sleep.  The other night he came out to tell me that he had tripped on a log in the woods a few days earlier, and almost fell, but didn’t.

Sigh.

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Yeah!

March 3, 2013

blog 2

Parental logic at its best…

May 13, 2010

“Mommy, how do people get on TV?”

“Well, they’re actors, and  they try out for parts on show or movies…”

“NO, I mean HOW do they show them IN the TV?? Like get it to play on our TV, when they’re far away?”

“Umm, well I’m pretty sure they shoot the shows with a laser gun and then blast it our TV.”

“….Like on Willy Wonka?”

“Yes, exactly.”

Coffee = love

April 22, 2010

This is how I felt this morning.

Actually, most mornings I feel this way. I’ve always been a night owl, but between having a small child and a regular workday, I rely more and more heavily on the strength of the  coffee bean to get me going.

I didn’t always like coffee very much, but I find myself making a pot almost every morning now.  I’m addicted more to the hazelnut creamer now than the actual coffee itself.  It doesn’t really seem to ‘get me going’ like I hope it will; some days, I wish it would kick my butt into gear, shoot steam out of my ears, and send me on my merry way.

Instead, I slump around for an hour after I wake up, trying to get breakfast and get dressed, etc etc…feel guilty for having to wake the slumbering bumber-boy who is even grumpier than I am in the mornings!

I’ve tried Red Bull, too. It sure as heck doesn’t give me wings, but it does taste like liquid Sweet Tarts, yum! Maybe I just drink too much soda for it to have an effect on me anymore. I suppose I’ve built up a tolerance to my favorite drug just like any good addict should.

My favorite solution for not being able to get up in the morning?

Go back to sleep.

Oh, how I dream about lazy sleeping-in days… If I could get more than six hours of sleep a night that would be…well, I don’t even know the word.

Gone are the days of staying up until 4am for no good reason, waking up around noon and having lunch.  Okay, more like one o’clock. Fine, two. No need for coffee!

If I tried that now I’d…well, actually I don’t know, because any sleep past 7:30 a.m. is interrupted by either:

a) a small person poking at my eyelids

b) a small person whispering, “It was an accident!”

c) a cat yowling outside the door demanding breakfast

d)  small person jumping on my belly

e) all of the above!

The only solution I can think of is to try going to bed before 1 a.m.

Yeah, I’ll do that…Right after I stop wasting time online (hello Facebook!).

A Map, you say?

April 29, 2009
How do you spell lost?

I think it’s something like “F$$$&#(@$*#:()$ D!@#$*!!!!!!”

Yeah, I got MORE lost tonight than I ever have in my entire life. I spent 2 hours driving up and down roads trying to find my way, turning around, and eventually realized I was headed back home.

Stop for directions, you say?

Well that would go a lot smoother if there was ANYTHING at all at the exits I pulled off.

Check the map?

Ermmm, don’t have one.

Call someone for help?

Nope, phone battery died 20 minutes down the road.

Car charger?

Ah, hmm, someone small and curious broke it last month.

The only person with me was my 4 yr old son (see: small and curious culprit), who tried to be a helpful navigator by piping up with, “Mommy, I think you’re going the WRONG way!” and “Can we just go home?” and my personal favorite, “Why don’t we just look at the map?”

Tomorrow, I get one of those GPS thingies.

Oh, and repair the damage to my steering wheel from banging my head on it.

The Pre-K Inquisition

December 12, 2008

Riding home in the car today, my son (he’s 4), who had spent the last twenty minutes chattering about monkeys and motorcycles, pipes up,

“Are trees what happen when the grass gets really big?”

 

“Are you going to have another baby in your belly?”

 

“Do you think that bird lives in the clouds?”

 

“How do the planes stay up in the air?”

 

“I don’t want to be a daddy when I’m big, because daddies have beards, and they’re scratchy!”

 

“After you get bigger and bigger and growed up, do you start to get smaller and smaller?”

 

I think my head’s going to explode some days…not only do I not always know the answers to these questions; but even the ones I do know, I have to figure out ways to explain so he’ll understand! 

I love that he’s so inquisitive, but sometimes when I’m making dinner or on the phone, when faced with: “Why does the cat have hair between his toes?”, the answer is, “I just don’t know.”

And that seems to satisfy him.

 

For now, anyway.

Tell me why…

September 9, 2008

Why…is it, that on this wonderful night when my son is with my mom…all I want to do is watch a movie (all the way through with no interruptions) and then go to sleep (in peace, no fuss, no reading Dr Seuss again. And again. And again.)?

Why…does my car seem to drop another piece of itself every week? This week it’s the cover for the turn signal. Just – gone. I think it’s leaving a ‘trail of breadcrumbs’ to someone who will appreciate it.

Why…aren’t people more open-minded? Why is everything cut-and-dried, that’s it, you’re wrong, I’m right?  They need to roll their windows down for once and see the great big wide world outside that has so many intricacies, nooks and crannies, and things that are good and bad and lovely and ugly all at once…

Why…is it so hard to make a travel coffee cup that doesn’t splatter everywhere when you try to open the lid?

Why…are there so many lonely people in the world, when there are so many other lonely people in the world? Are they too desperate to look around and find one another?

Why…are there 30 kinds of orange juice in the store? Do we really need one glass of juice to give us varying levels of pulp, antioxidants, calcium, multivitamins? And have you tasted that stuff? It’s all shite. 

Why…am I so offended by the ‘cereal-with-milk-bars’? What’s next, a meat stick with mashed potato and veggie coating?

Why…do some people see only the bad, and others only the good? Are they both blind, or just lazy?

Why…am I not out doing something stupid?

 

What to expect…

May 16, 2007

How much is a babysitter worth to you?

This whole Maddie thing….I know her parents are getting enough grief for it already, but to leave a four year old and 2 two year olds alone while you go have dinner??

 I sometimes can’t even trust my two year old while I take a shower!  Five minutes later he’s taking off down the driveway shouting ‘HEWWO, doggies!’ to the dogs across the street.  

I do understand, I suppose. Sometimes you get to a comfort level and think you know what to expect from little kids/ babies because of what they haven’t done yet..They can’t run yet, or talk yet, or play Mozart on the piano like you want them to.

But that’s exactly when they’ll decide to roll off the bed, waddle out the door, or try to put the cat in the toilet! 

Or, like my son, figure out how to climb up on the counter and dump all the cat food out, then get some permanent markers, open them up, and draw on the walls. Who knew (I think he was just biding his time) he was so ‘talented’.

Anyway,  I hope they find that little girl.  That’s got to be one of the worst things to go through.

The Edumacation of the Small Ones

March 8, 2007
So my little guy is going to a new daycare.  I’m not thrilled with him having to go at all, but hey. Anyhoo, he was all excited about “school” and seemed happy to go.

Day one:  He came home all excited  and said it was fun. Then his face got sad, and he said seriously, “I cried.”
“Why? What happened?” I asked.
He sighed heavily and replied, “He hit me. The boy hit me.”
I didn’t want to make a big deal and make him more upset about it, so I played it cool. In reality, I wanted to find this evil child and put the smackdown on him for hurting my baby. Calming, deep breath…. “But you’re okay now?”
“Yeah, I all better,” he said, smiling. Good.
Day two:  He had lots of fun, he said, but then…”I cried.”
“Why? What happened?” I asked, feeling a little deja vu.
He sighed and replied, “He pushed me. The boy pushed me.”
“Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, mommy, I okay.” He smiled sweetly, making me want to go find that little bully and tell him what’s what.
Day three:  Again, big fun at school, but then…”I cried.”
By now I was getting aggravated with this boy who kept hurting my baby. I was ready to get upset, but instead I kept to the script. “Why? What happened?”
He looked down at the ground, and then said indignantly, “He kicked me BACK!”
So there.

Stop the Presses!

December 21, 2006

This is Nicholas’ pride and joy; a picture with Santa.

santacrop
But you won’t believe what we went through to get it!

Here’s what happened: We heard about some big event going on at the North Pole, with all the famous characters- Santa, the Reindeer, the Mrs., and there were even rumors of Rudolph showing up (you know how he loves the spotlight).

Well we got there and couldn’t get in! Nicholas was on the Nice list (even after the questionable ‘Cat in the Toilet’ escapade), but apparently you have to bring a canned good as an entrance fee and I wasn’t prepared. All I had in my bag was a half eaten apple, some stale Cheerios, and two pairs of shorts Nick outgrew last year!

Anyway, we were determined. While I distracted the
guards (by bribing them for names on the Naughty list), Nicholas snuck onto the red and white carpet to meet his idol, Santa Claus.

It was a crazy scene! The Reindeer had all brought dates, and they were playing reindeer games, right there in the crowd. Of course, Rudolph stood back from it all, telling anyone who would listen about how he went down in history.

Meanwhile, Nick got up to Santa finally and whispered in his ear, “I know where you live, so you’d better take a picture with me!” Well of course Santa laughed, and agreed to a photo op with the little boy. The paparazzi ate it up! You might even see him on the six o’clock news, so keep an eye out for it.

 Nicholas has never been so happy, and thanks to the guards I now know who to blackmail at work!