Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Yeah!

March 3, 2013

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The poet speaks…

March 24, 2011

Nicholas just informed me he wants to “go outside to feel the wind blowing in my soul.”

What he really means is that he wants to go play swords, tear his pants, roll in the mud, dig a tunnel to the middle of the earth, and ride his bike until his legs fall off. Whichever happens first.

Parental logic at its best…

May 13, 2010

“Mommy, how do people get on TV?”

“Well, they’re actors, and  they try out for parts on show or movies…”

“NO, I mean HOW do they show them IN the TV?? Like get it to play on our TV, when they’re far away?”

“Umm, well I’m pretty sure they shoot the shows with a laser gun and then blast it our TV.”

“….Like on Willy Wonka?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“I Keep a Flat Top”

January 29, 2009

So a couple of years ago I was going through a
mighty-a-lonely stretch and signed up for Yahoo Personals. Talked with a few nice guys, met a couple of crazies, the usual.

Every so often, Yahoo very kindly sends me my ‘Recent
Matches!’ even though I took down my profile.

This weekend I opened one, and
was shocked to find out what I had been missing!

 

Check out a few quotes from the potential Mans-O-My-Dreams:

              I’m still very pure as I haven’t met Ms. Right yet.

             NICE GUY WHO GETS ALONE WITH EVERYBODY.

 

             I keep a flat top.

             If you donot expect to much, you will not be disappointed!

             SO SWEET I WILL MAKE YOURE TEETH ROT

             I’m an Investment You won’t Regret in

            Is it deer season yet?

and then the truly creative and ever-popular:
                “HEY”

Seriously, it makes me happy to be single.

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Tell me why…

September 9, 2008

Why…is it, that on this wonderful night when my son is with my mom…all I want to do is watch a movie (all the way through with no interruptions) and then go to sleep (in peace, no fuss, no reading Dr Seuss again. And again. And again.)?

Why…does my car seem to drop another piece of itself every week? This week it’s the cover for the turn signal. Just – gone. I think it’s leaving a ‘trail of breadcrumbs’ to someone who will appreciate it.

Why…aren’t people more open-minded? Why is everything cut-and-dried, that’s it, you’re wrong, I’m right?  They need to roll their windows down for once and see the great big wide world outside that has so many intricacies, nooks and crannies, and things that are good and bad and lovely and ugly all at once…

Why…is it so hard to make a travel coffee cup that doesn’t splatter everywhere when you try to open the lid?

Why…are there so many lonely people in the world, when there are so many other lonely people in the world? Are they too desperate to look around and find one another?

Why…are there 30 kinds of orange juice in the store? Do we really need one glass of juice to give us varying levels of pulp, antioxidants, calcium, multivitamins? And have you tasted that stuff? It’s all shite. 

Why…am I so offended by the ‘cereal-with-milk-bars’? What’s next, a meat stick with mashed potato and veggie coating?

Why…do some people see only the bad, and others only the good? Are they both blind, or just lazy?

Why…am I not out doing something stupid?