Archive for January, 2013

It’s just not the same.

January 29, 2013

He’s lately begun to be scared of the dark…I know it’s a valid fear, and I remember it myself. But it’s hard for me to remember that, when it didn’t used to bother him. I get frustrated if he won’t go get his lunchbox out of the car at night (seriously 1.5 feet from the side door) or stand on the front porch to let the puppy out.

These are times I truly wish I wasn’t doing the single mom thing, so he could “man up” and learn to deal with his fears better than I can teach him to. When he’s around my guy friends I can literally see him do this…lowering his voice, acting tougher, and telling all his best stories of the moment. Unfortunately his dad is not visiting as much as we all know he should, and so he enjoys all the male attention he can get.

I try to teach him about life, machines, science…go camping…build things…but I know it’s not the same for him. And this is the BEST time for his dad to be teaching his this kind of thing. Instead he doesn’t call, doesn’t visit, and my little boy is hurt and sad. When he was a baby I vowed to never speak ill of his dad in front of him. I’d seen so many ugly divorces and breakups, and knew it would be wrong to air all that to a child. Honestly, I don’t hate the guy…I’ve accepted that he’s selfish, immature, and whiny, and that he’ll never pay me support, or bother to call his son on a holiday, or even ask how he’s doing when we’re on the phone. I know that he does love him, but needs to grow up and get it together before this little boy is a teenager and has totally given up on him.

Until then, we’re gonna go climb trees and make forts. So there.

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