Ode to Office Boredom

“These office supplies don’t steal themselves, folks!”

The other day I was standing at the copier at work.

All day long.

In cute but painful shoes.

Bored out of my mind.

You see, I was assigned the funfunbigfun task of scanning 100-page files into the copier. There were 20 stacks of these lovelylovelybigfun files.

Yay!

I had to stand there while everything scanned (all day long) (in my painful shoes)(stopping anyone who walked by to chat).

Eventually I pulled out my phone and checked my email, horrorscope, read the news, DearAbby, and then googled ‘death by boredom’.

Next I played three games of monopoly and kicked ass twice. That top hat just can’t keep it together!

Finally, in desperation, this is what I turned to:

 

This is the office supply drawer for the area I was in. It holds wonderful treasures such as paperclips, binder clips, tape, post-its, broken pencils, and one fuzzy Halls cough drop.

Even though I eventually started to get hungry, I was able to resist the cough drop because of this:

Our megasized jar-o-mini-chocolate-bars! This was the reason everyone stopped to chat with me. At some point in the conversation, they’d oh-so-casually lean over and grab one as if it were an afterthought.

Sure, whatever you say. I know people who plan errands to that hallway just to hit the candy jar. I used to be one of them!

Anyway, in between candy hits and gossip, I started working with what I had at my disposal. My first efforts produced this:

 

Binder Clip Dragon. He may look ferocious, but he only eats paper. And the occasional finger or facial projection.

Next I set up the clips and some handy Reese’s cups to play ‘chess’….

Then I realized that I had no one to play with, and I don’t really like chess anyway.

So instead I made some flowers

You can’t tell from these cell-phone pictures, but the flowers turned out amazingly lifelike and beautiful.

Later I tried to fit myself into the cabinets so I could take a nap. It worked until the file I had been scanning jammed up and the whole machine caught on fire and burnt itself to a crisp.   Then they had to evacuate the building and send everyone home with two weeks paid vacation.

  Ok, that was me dreaming…but it was nice.

A rant, a rave, a copier dance

Ugh. Work.

At my current job, I feel like this everyday by around 3 o’clock:

Don’t get me wrong….I like my job. It’s not my chosen career, and it can be mind-numbingly boring sometimes, but I do like it.

Mostly because it’s a job. Which means money to pay the bills. Always a plus there.

Today I stood at the copier all day long. About eighty percent of my job description is to stand there and sort, stack, and scan tax files into the copier server. Among other random stuff, that’s what I do.

Very exciting, of course.

I can tell you’re all very jealous already!

Anyway….

The problem:  when other people need to copy or scan something, they give me the evil eye/ sigh heavily/ make a stupid comment because I’m ‘always at the copier‘, i.e., in their way.

IT’S MY JOB, PEOPLE!

To add insult to injury, they expect me to stop whatever I’m doing and let them go ahead of me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m younger, newer, or just not as ‘important’ as they. Usually, I go ahead and let them.

Not today. I stood my ground, kept on working, and smiled sweetly with an, “I’ll be done in just a sec!”

I got a lot of surprised looks, a few huffs, and a few hoverers, but mostly people turned and walked 10 feet to the other copier machine.

Who knew? Look, the other one works, too!! Wow.

So there.

Welcoming unemployment!

Countdown!

Only one more day until I’m jobless.

I’m so excited!

No, really, I AM!

I’ve been working almost 60 hours a week lately, and it’s really got me down.  Been so tired, I didn’t have the energy to get anything done.

The dishes are calling me.

Taunting me.

Same with my clothes….I wash them, and take them out of the laundry room. Then, my motivation flies out the window, and so my clean clothes pile up on the futon.  You’d think they were all made of rabbit fur the way that stuff multiplies.

Little Man thinks of me as a not-so-fun visitor who makes him change his clothes once in awhile and go to bed.

My cat has only two things to say to me:

1. “Oh, it’s you. I’m hungry, by the way.”

2. “Hey, did you HEAR ME? I’m HUNGRY!”

At my work, they all keep hinting I should hit up the HR manager so I can be kept on permanent.  But I’m not so sure I want to. Those folks is crazy!

One guy is kinda new, so I hear him making the rounds of the more experienced accountants every day.

“Hey, can I ask you a question? How do you figure this mortgage/ real estate deduction/ dependant qualification?” He’s smart enough to always ask different people so that no one catches on that he doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

One of the senior managers likes to be mean.  He yells at me every day when I bring him files to review. I laugh at him.  Maybe that’s not the most professional routine, but we both get a kick out of it.  And when he tells me “not to bring that crap in my office!!”, I leave it in the middle of his doorway.

You should see the place when someone brings extra food or treats. It’s like feeding time at the zoo.   Usually whoever brought cookies/cake/chocolate will send out an email announcing it. Within about 2 minutes, there is a stream of people power-walking to the source of the food, trying to act casual, but seriously determined not to miss out on a crumb.

One woman always gets to the food first and makes a plate and takes it to her office. She then waits about 15 minutes, then goes back to the food and gets another plate, acting all surprised, “Oh, look!” and then fixes another plate before disappearing back into her office.

Everyone is scared of the receptionist. She apparently has been there since the beginning of time, and doesn’t let anyone forget it. She also doesn’t like having to track people down, so she uses the paging system if someone doesn’t pick up their phone after the second ring.  If they don’t answer that, she starts calling everyone’s office who is within 50 feet and demanding to know where that person is.

…I asked her for the newspaper once.  Made me feel like I was asking the Principal if I could have the keys to his brand-new car.

Anyway, tomorrow being the official end of crazy-as-hell Tax Season, we’re having a big company party after work.  From what everyone tells me, there’s a lot of drunk accountants blowing off steam.  Maybe I should take my camera for evidence, er…I mean,  posterity.

Should be interesting…Just gotta watch out for that food line. A girl could get hurt getting in their way.